"During those moments I always felt as though something was missing, that I was never truly in love with my partners."

When I first heard about this project I thought it was an amazing idea to be so open and vulnerable on such a personal level. I have always been one to advocate that people should not be ashamed of their bodies because every body is beautiful. However, for some reason, I have always had a difficult time applying this concept to myself in terms of how I felt about my body and how I let others treat my body. I know this stems from my years of struggles with body image issues. 

From grade 5 up until the beginning of university, I have struggled an eating disorder. So being naked has always been one of the scariest things to me and disclosing my difficulties with it.  Due to my insecurities with myself, I would often stay with partners that would further strengthen my self-hate. Whenever I have been naked in front of one of my previous partners I have always been so hyper-focused on how my body looks, I could never just be in the moment or connect with them. During those moments I always felt as though something was missing, that I was never truly in love with my partners.

How could I love anyone truly if I could not even love myself? And how could they love me if I was never myself? This all really hit me after a recent break-up with a long-term boyfriend. I realized though we had been together for almost 5 years, I always felt as though I had to put on a show or position myself to look “beautiful” naked.

I am now at a point in my life where I am tired of hating my body and caring what others perceive me as. I want to truly love myself. That is why I decided to do this shoot. I wanted to document myself, as I am, not posing for anyone but truly be vulnerable and naked. And it was actually one of the most liberating experiences – I felt calm being in my own skin. At first, when I took off my clothing I was a little nervous, and to be honest at times I would catch myself posing, and as did Liza.

However, even with this I felt almost at peace with myself because me being naked at that moment in time, it wasn’t to please anyone. I was just naked and completely myself. These kinds of feelings are completely new to me. Comfort in my own skin in front of someone is something I have never really experienced before.

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