"Suddenly I felt not like a bodily patchwork of all my more ideal and less ideal parts. Suddenly I was simply and fully me, naked, present and complete."

I was running late and Joslyn was right on time. There were still a few ill placed hairs I had to pluck, weaker features I still had to contour with bronzer and a few sprays of various beauty related chemicals I still desperately wanted to spray. I was wild eyed and frantic when I met this lovely, warm woman in the lobby of my building but miraculously it did not take long for her aura of calm to become contagious. A nine floor elevator ride was all it took and I was laughing easily with her, spontaneously forgetting about the hairs I had not yet plucked and hearing myself say, "I guess I'm as ready as I need to be. Let do this!" 

We set up in my roommates' bedroom for a guitar and vocal jam out session in my birthday suit. We laid a few ground rules regarding what I was comfortable with for the photos and then with a deep breath and a short squeal I let my Forever 21 jumper fall to the floor and was fully and completely disclothed. Those first fresh moments feeling the air touching me in totality were intense. As much as I am and was aware that I was now exposed in my most natural form the first fresh moments still felt ultimately unnatural and bizarre. An amazing thing that our nakedness, our most pure and honest state can feel so foreign and rebellious. When I was without fabric, doors, walls and cultural expectations to dictate the narrow windows of time it was "acceptable" to be naked, I felt too naked and too exposed. 

I realized anew in those first fresh moments of being naked just how important this project really is. I was being given the choice and opportunity through Fully Disclothed to reclaim the comfort and honesty my body can provide me. 

I felt something within me shift from resistance to pure, powerful acceptance. And then someone said something and something did something and just like that I sat on the bed with my guitar and without more than 45 seconds passing I felt natural. I began to sing my songs while the camera snapped away. I felt comfortable and free. I felt no need to contour anything with bronzer. 

In life it seems context is everything and my experience with Fully Disclosed was no exception. Before Joslyn arrived I was up to my ears in tasks I felt I needed to perform to my body. "Needed" being the operative word. As I was preparing to be naked in the presence of strangers I had a mental checklist from the tips of my toes to the tips of my split ends that I felt were mandatory I fix before being exposed. If it wasn't smooth it needed to be smoothed. If it wasn't radiant it needed to be radiant. If it wasn't firm goddamnit I had to firm it up quickly before Joslyn arrived. 

That was my initial context and source of stressful frenzy before she arrived on time in my building lobby. I was willing to be honest and exposed sure, but only if I could be sneaky and hide anything I was insecure about. As soon as I let my jumper fall to the floor a curious thing happened however, my context shifted. Suddenly I felt not like a bodily patchwork of all my more ideal and less ideal parts. Suddenly I was simply and fully me, naked, present and complete. The need in the moment to alter or fix myself evaporated when I chose to let my jumper drop and let them take me as I am. And she was so wonderful. I didn't feel that I needed to do anything about my scratchy heels or ill placed hairs at all. Nothing to firm now. Nothing I had to do but play my guitar and sing. 

I would like to thank the incredible team working on the Fully Disclosed Project for such a fun and exciting experience. My context has been forever changed. Thank you.

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